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What NOT to do, Pt. 1 - The highs and lows of KuteLuvr

About What NOT to do, Pt. 1

Previous Entry What NOT to do, Pt. 1 Dec. 22nd, 2006 @ 08:47 am Next Entry
A note to all the boys out there that prefer to bottom, occasionally bottom, will one day bottom, fantasize about bottoming, or will ever meet me: Stop squeezing your fucking legs together!

I've met too many boys that are willing, wanting, waiting, craving, accepting, desiring to bottom... and then when everybody's in position, start squeezing their legs together resisting what's happening.  Gentlemen, please, if you're not willing to do it right, please just say so and we can do "other things"... but if you want it, then geezus fucking christ, LET IT HAPPEN already! Open your legs, pull'em back, tilt yourself up, and lets do this! We can work out where exactly everything else goes, what we're doing, what's happening, etc... but if I'm only getting 1" in, the fun is just gone.  I'd rather not spend our time together wishing you'd let me get the rest in so that I just might have a POSSIBILITY of actually having an orgasm. I'm open to hearing "faster", "slower", "harder", "easier"... and I promise if we work together on this, we'll both end with an "OMFG" moment.

I want this to be a good experience for both of us.  This means (in my mind anyway), that I want to kiss you, touch you, look at you, feel you, play with you, and all the other things that imply a face-to-face encounter (though obviously mixing it up a bit is great once we get the basics down).  I can't do that if I'm fighting your scissor-lock on your ass. Are you embarrassed?  Please don't be... it's gay sex, and no matter how good we think we are, no matter how hard we try, no matter how clean we make attempts to be or what preparatory rituals we perform, shit happens. Lets both acknowledge that we know what we're doing, that we know what we're getting into, and just let go of the inhibitions and enjoy it for everything it's worth.

So please, if you're gonna do it, lets do it right for both of us... and if that means not doing IT, then lets just say so and have a good time in other ways.  I'm okay with that. Really.  Thanks. :)
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From:nakednerd
Date:December 22nd, 2006 05:24 pm (UTC)
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You do know that it helps to finger or rim first, right? Guys who do not bottom often need a lot of lubricaton and a lot of warm up.
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From:kuteluvr
Date:December 22nd, 2006 05:33 pm (UTC)
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Oh yes... there are an entire range of options for warming the boy up... and each boy has different best practices... but even after that... the point remains... :)
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From:timenchanter
Date:December 22nd, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)
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Nice!
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From:bender772
Date:December 22nd, 2006 05:32 pm (UTC)
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Amen.
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From:davidology
Date:December 22nd, 2006 05:33 pm (UTC)
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this is why the gods created poppers!
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From:markormarky
Date:December 22nd, 2006 06:09 pm (UTC)
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awesome to know!

**takes notes
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From:kuteluvr
Date:December 22nd, 2006 07:11 pm (UTC)
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Good Job. It's important for you to know these things prior to your conversion.

...we can set that appt up anytime you'd like, btw. ;)
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From:dwo
Date:December 22nd, 2006 06:21 pm (UTC)

and i was told that you are a bottom....

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but anyway....

if they lay on their stomach....

if they tighten their legs together...

they're trying to tighten up their loose holes....

play along and fuck the shit out of them.
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From:kuteluvr
Date:December 22nd, 2006 07:00 pm (UTC)

Re: and i was told that you are a bottom....

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First, whoever told you I was a bottom had no idea what they were talking about. At all. Period.

Second, it's more about the mentality of the thing... I can't believe they really want it if they're resisting it... so I go through all of these mental summersaults thinking about what they really want or don't want etc., and orgasm go poof. Plus, the face-to-face is really the fun party anyway :)
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From:huckie
Date:December 22nd, 2006 07:15 pm (UTC)
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OMGz this is teh ROFLz. Novices.
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From:caslayerboi
Date:December 22nd, 2006 08:30 pm (UTC)

*Pops out of lurkerdom* Umm...

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First of all, I just wanted to say that you are absolutely the most adorable thing, next to baby seals. Kraft™ totally needs to put you as the filling in their next dessert cookie. =)

Second of all, as someone who prefer to bottom, a lot of us are in the mindset that: 1) A lot of guys demands that your colon be steam cleaned with a rug doctor or that you starve yourself for three days beforehand, so that there won't be any possibility of shit happening. So, a lot of us are trained that we need to minimize the incident at all costs, otherwise we're not getting laid. Therefore, we may not be aware that you're of the understanding tops, who just wants to merrily pound away. And, 2) I don't know about other guys, but my experiences say that a lot of tops like their bottoms to be OMG!Virgin tight, so they prefer it when the bottoms clamp up to simulate that feeling (Because God forbid that we actually show that we've done this before). And a lot of bottoms, me included, wants to please the tops, so we do as they like.

Anyway, just my two cents. *Pops back into lurkdom*

P.S. Just a scandalous offer- If you want, I'd be willing to be your sex puppet anyway you want, hehe. =P
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From:kuteluvr
Date:December 22nd, 2006 09:56 pm (UTC)

Re: *Pops out of lurkerdom* Umm...

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All wonderful points...

...to your first, I'm certainly wanting you to wipe... and perhaps have some private time in the bathroom would be nice... it's definitely not something I personally look forward to. However, it happens, and if it's a choice between dealing with the reality and getting laid, or living in a fantasy world and not getting laid, I'll take the sex, thanks.

...to the second one, granted, if I hear a whistling noise during sex we probably have a problem... but for the most part I'm not worried about you tightening or loosening or any of that. If you're engaged with me with all the REST of it... kissing... playing... teasing... touching... feeling... then frankly I love the idea of being able to stick it in you at absolute will without worrying about whether your bodys gonna go into EXIT ONLY mode. Flip you over every which direction and fuck your brains out. GREAT TIME.

...but... my rant wasn't really about that... it was about us face to face, me between your legs, and you suddenly squeezing your legs together so that unless I've got a 2' long dick I'm not getting in (and then you'd prob just close your legs together even more anyway). That's the real issue.

(this is all the "proverbial you", of course ;) )
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From:cutenyeboi
Date:December 22nd, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC)
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Have your Reciptionist call my desk I want to make an Appointment!!! :-D
From:jetboyca
Date:December 22nd, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC)

Hrm...

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...perhaps santa will bring you a speculum :-P more portable than the Jaws of Life, anyway.
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From:kuteluvr
Date:December 22nd, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)

Re: Hrm...

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I think the most cost effective option is to simply find a bottom that meets my needs. ;)
From:shawath
Date:December 22nd, 2006 11:05 pm (UTC)
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There are three ways to handle the situation:

1. Be more loving, kind, use more lube, try not to look at the clock while you wait another hour for him to loosen up and relax.

2. Get hyper aggressive, pin his legs open with your massive arms and order him to "Don't fucking move" in your most manly voice.

3. Post about the problem on LJ and wait for all of the uber-talented bottoms to present themselves.
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From:kuteluvr
Date:December 22nd, 2006 11:18 pm (UTC)
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Re 1: This can be effective, but once you've already done the foreplay thing, getting to the point that this is an issue can be frustrating. I am not a patient person. :P

Re 2: I'll save this for my stand-up comedy routine.

Re 3: ...surprisingly effective...
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From:briancub
Date:December 22nd, 2006 11:28 pm (UTC)
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Hear, hear!
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From:qzar_mystik
Date:December 23rd, 2006 02:24 am (UTC)
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....

wow..


hah

ok that so deserves my icon now lol
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From:micahblitz
Date:December 23rd, 2006 02:44 am (UTC)
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I'll keep this in mind for future reference. ;)
From:shawath
Date:December 23rd, 2006 03:31 am (UTC)
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Now that I think about it... that poor boy that you last fucked must be reading this and feeling terrible about his skills! I hope he doesn't read your LJ!
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From:kuteluvr
Date:December 23rd, 2006 10:41 pm (UTC)
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Actually, the guy I'm dating now and I have had some pretty incredible sex... this post isn't really in reference to him... but could be in reference to people I've had sex with previously.

More than anything else this post is the result of me realizing I don't post very often, and remembering TimmyD telling me how much he enjoyed reading my journal... so I felt the desire to stir up a topic. :) So far, so good :)
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