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Previous Entry Choices Jul. 29th, 2007 @ 11:15 am Next Entry
I'm so completely sick of people playing the victim.

Sure... occasionally there is true victimization. Stray bullet kills you... not your fault. Kitty gets hit by a car... not your fault. Airplane crashes through your roof killing your family... out of your control. Leader of the free world goes in war-spree through your country... not your insanity. Feel free to bitch at your convenience.

But most of the time, when we say we "can't", the truth is we're choosing not to. When we say we're stuck in some situation, we're choosing to pay the price because we like the benefits.

Keep getting sick because taking your meds is too inconvenient? You're CHOOSING to make your convenience a higher priority than your heath. Turning tricks to pay rent in a city you can't afford to live in? You're CHOOSING to sacrifice yourself in favor of your location. No social life because your high-paying job takes 16 hours a day? You're CHOOSING money over a social calendar. No money because you're unemployed and you're too good for McDonalds or Starbucks? You're CHOOSING to be broke because you won't work somewhere. Sure... the alternative isn't pretty either. In fact, it may down right suck. But don't be delusional... you're making a choice, even if you don't like it.

...but don't sit there telling me that you don't have a choice. We all have choices... and if you're making a choice and the price is high, I don't want to hear about how you don't want to do it, or you don't think you should have to. FUCK YOU. Quit the job. Move to another town. Get a cheaper apartment. Take your meds. You deciding that NOT doing the things that would make that situation better because you LIKE what you get out of being in that situation... that's a choice. And I have absolutely no fucking sympathy for you.
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Date:July 30th, 2007 03:37 pm (UTC)
Just because a person is doing what's they want to, in general, doesn't mean that they don't find things difficult sometimes. No matter what your life is, it's not a cakewalk.

I could fall into the "choosing money over a social calendar" category, although it's not really quite that simple. Nevertheless, it negates my diress sometimes to complain to friends about the negative aspects of the tradeoffs I've chosen to make. And if I was all "ZOMG I WORK FOR APPLE HERE'S MY IPHONE DID YOU SEE MY HOT BOYFRIEND I HAVE IT ALL" all the time people would resent me. Life is a series of compromises and tradeoffs and knowing someone in-depth involves understanding both sides of those tradeoffs.

And I would expect a sympathetic ear from friends, not a "fuck you" or a "i have no sympathy for you."
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Date:August 16th, 2007 09:33 pm (UTC)
Yup... sorry, you missed your chance :-)
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Date:August 16th, 2007 09:47 pm (UTC)
I'd volunteer... but I don't think you're one to let me make u my bitch ;)
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Date:August 1st, 2007 12:54 am (UTC)
That's probably the shortest, most eloquent post on the subject I've seen.

Though, in all honesty, you're perhaps a tad too brutal. You're assuming the capability of rational choice, and humans are only rational as an afterthought.

Anxiety and depression, just for two, can make it very difficult to make a change, even when that change is staring one in the face. So I don't have a problem with sympathy.

I just try to keep on the functional side of the sympathy/pandering fence.
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Date:August 1st, 2007 12:57 am (UTC)
It is amazing how bias negates the ability to accurately see things as they are. Or perhaps it's not amazing considering that is the definition. There is no bias higher than one's bias toward oneself, positive or negative. People generally feel trapped in their situation because they truly don't see any other option. They feel bound by the life that led them, happily or not, to the choice that they've made. Of course, sometimes the simplest way to help people is to point out another option. We generally think of things in the "A vs. B" mentality when C-Z are sitting out there waiting to be discovered.

I don't know that I have no sympathy for those wallowing in their own choices. Lord knows I've done it enough. Still, I think it is offensively presumptuous of my fellow commentors to presume to tell you how you should feel. If you are unsympathetic, that's perfectly fine. It's part of you and I like you.
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