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Re: Choices - The highs and lows of KuteLuvr

About Re: Choices

Previous Entry Re: Choices Aug. 16th, 2007 @ 10:21 am Next Entry
I don't think I've ever posted anything that's gotten quite as negative a reception as this one. I honestly wasn't surprised... but it leads me to want to say a few things...

First, it leads me to need to understand and be clear about what this journal is all about: Me. Unfiltered, moment-to-moment, unapologetic, and subject-to-change-without-notice. Yeah... I absolutely hope that someone enjoys reading the chaos that is my thought process, and I love hearing what you might have to say about it... but at it's core, it's not about making anyone happy or becoming popular. I love looking back at the entries in my past and reliving those experiences and those emotions at their most raw. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I like that it's there.

Second, it leads me to a desire to respond to the comments, and maybe even express the refinement of perspective time and input have given me. As I re-read that entry, I find myself still in complete fundamental agreement with the issue it discusses and its general outcome. At the same time, it has a passion and an anger that, while appropriate and "real" to me at the time, has tempered slightly. None the less, I still feel very strongly about people who ask for help to get out of a symptom rather than solve a fundamental problem. I know it's sometimes hard to see the forest for the trees... and for that I have sympathy; it's easy to do... but if a friend I trust is friend enough to hit me upside the head with the truth, I will blame myself if I don't listen to them. I don't blame my financial situation, my self-image, my career success, my happiness, or the success or failure of my relationships on anyone or anything else... and I do more than just try to make the pain better... I try to solve the problem, though my success at doing so may be occasionally (frequently?) questionable.

Finally, I'd like to add this additional comment to my own entry: I will always be there for my friends... and occasionally for people who aren't quite friends yet. I'm definitely not perfect, but I think most of my friends would say that when they've needed me, I've been there for them. I don't say this for anyone else to think it of me per se, but for me to think it of myself... it's something I take a bit of pride in. However, I don't think that "being there" always means helping them solve the symptom... but may mean taking a different approach... occasionally one they may even disagree with. Do I know better than they do? Nope... but I know what I'm willing to be accountable for, and that's where the line gets drawn.

In the end, we can't be good friends by always doing what we're asked, or agreeing with our friend's perspectives. A good friend isn't the one that helps another cope with withdrawal symptoms by buying them more drugs; a good friend helps them off the drugs entirely, solving the problem rather than the symptom despite the pleading for the opposite. If that doesn't work for you... then yes... "fuck off" is what is going to happen, though perhaps not always as harshly stated or implemented as those words sound... and in the future, when I feel there's a way I can truly help you... when you're in a place to accept that help... when doing so isn't facilitating the problem, but working toward a solution... Yes, I will always be there for my friends. Always.
Current Mood: goodfine
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From:jeffercine
Date:August 16th, 2007 06:34 pm (UTC)
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well stated my friend.

and for me, this journal is a combination of rants and ramblings, plus the added news story I think people might want to know, and a meme or two thrown in there ... cause i'm a lemming sometimes.
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From:kuteluvr
Date:August 16th, 2007 08:23 pm (UTC)
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lol... it's always okay to be a lemming. :)
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From:studlycaps
Date:August 16th, 2007 07:17 pm (UTC)
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There was never a doubt about you personally -- at least from me -- you've been there for me during some bad times.

It was just that it was somewhat easy to misconstrue the viewpoint you were portraying. I think I understand what you were meaning to say now, though.

Thanks for clarifying.
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From:kuteluvr
Date:August 16th, 2007 08:26 pm (UTC)
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I never thought you had any doubt in me. I think our friendship is more solid than that. :)

The truth though is that I still feel the anger of the situation that caused my original post. It frustrates me to know that they're unhappy and doing things they'll regret because they feel they have to, when the truth is that they really don't have to if they could just see what the real problem is.

That being said, they've supposedly made some recent changes that makes it easier for them... so I hope they're doing okay.
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From:qzar_mystik
Date:August 16th, 2007 11:11 pm (UTC)
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from the times that we spent with each other playing in the arcade and such I can safely say that you really are an awesome person =)
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