The Boyfriend Terms
Nov. 4th, 2007 @ 10:06 am
In my opinion, there are four primary terms that matter with romantic relationships.
- "dating" - This is like... a rental. It's off the market... no one else can have it... but you're not at the point of making any actual investment or have any long term hope yet.
- "Boyfriend" - this falls in the rent-to-own category. It's everything that "dating" is, but you're investing long-term interest and definitely see the potential for return.
- "Engaged" - This is definitely Lease with option to Buy. There's usually a countdown to the big day, and your commitment to the situation is pretty unquestionable... one would hope.
- "<insert-favorite-term-here>" is the purchased category. You're in, your committed, and there is no return policy.
The frustrating things for me still tend to be the expectations that get built in. For example, if you're "dating", there's this implied idea that the person you're "dating" isn't "dating" anyone else... even though based on the rules, this really isn't true. There's also "dating with monogamy", which is an interesting blend... though I think it was jetboyca
that pointed out that "boyfriend" implies emotional commitment, and dating doesn't... so the sexual difference there is just an agreed arrangement.
What I'm pointing out here is the extreme variation of expectation that other people have on these terms. I've dated people that expect marriage after "hello." (not gonna happen.) On the other hand, I've felt "cheated" on even though we weren't "boyfriends".
Just a random thought.
Other special terms?
- Trick - Someone who's name you remember just long enough to get into bed... and forget by the time you're kicking them out.
- Fuckbuddy - Someone that's good in bed, but you otherwise can't stand. Public appearances are kept to a minimum.
- Friends with Benefits - Someone you do like, but never want to date, despite the fact that they're hot enough to you to have sex with on a regular basis. Fuckbuddy without the "I hate you". See also: convenient.
- Open Relationship - think "I love you, but you suck in bed". Okay... maybe not that extreme... but you get the point. See also: Boredom.
What do you find (intentional or not) that your expectations are?
I don't put much expectation on terms. It comes down to what the agreement is between myself and anyone else involved. What we call it doesn't matter as much to me as what it is. For example, in my last relationship we went from "dating with monogamy" to only dating each other and still being monogamous. When I asked if that meant we were calling each other boyfriends, he said I guess so. Later he was like "why did you rush into calling us boyfriends?" So for him that word meant something much more than it does to me. I didn't really care, so I didn't feel any qualms about using it. It's a convenient term that most other people seem to have a general grasp of.
I think I disagree with your definition of Open Relationship, but to each their own. ;-)
interestingly, i think all of the terms you name in this post are used, more or less, by heterosexuals as well as homosexuals, except for "Trick" which i believe is almost an exclusively gay term. (and "Fuckbuddy" is used rarely by str8s, but it is used on occasion, and clearly is a term stolen from gay subculture.)
i only point this out as, reading this post, i realized that i have never and probably would never use the term, Trick, for anyone. somehow it just isn't in me. i'm not sure what that says. possibly nothing. possibly something.
"Dating" really is, as you point out, a difficult zone to define, and as improper as it is the unstated expectation of a certain amount of monogamy does seem to imbue it with specific emotions.
|Date:||November 5th, 2007 12:24 am (UTC)|| |
I have to say, both dailybinx
and I were lousy at dating. I'm noticing that you are kind of contradicting yourself in this post. At the beginning you say dating is like rental, off the market, but then later you concede that dating doesn't always mean exclusive. I think part of the problem is that there aren't common definitions, but rather blurred ranges. To me, dating is that stage of getting to know someone with no real commitment, whereas boyfriends implies some sort of commitment or emotional investment. Before BinX I did the dating to boyfriend in the space of an hour thing. With BinX, we never officially did the dating thing. Technically, we were just friends getting to know each other non-romantically for about 4 months.
As for tricks, wow, you actually get their name? lol I think Fuckbuddies can have quite the range as well. I wouldn't say they are necessarily someone you can't stand, just someone you have no desire to invest any emotions into. It might not be that you don't like the person, you just don't really have any desire to hang out with them, the sex is hot, but you just don't have any interests outside of sex in common.
Those terms are so true. What bothers me is that some guys apply your definition of engaged to dating. Last time I checked, Blockbuster doesn't have a limit on how many videos you can rent.