KuteLuvr (kuteluvr) wrote,
KuteLuvr
kuteluvr

  • Mood:

Scared

I've been thinking about it for  a really long time... and talking about it for even longer... but it's finally here: I'm moving back up to the city.

I put a deposit down on a place at the Avalon Mission Bay yesterday. Hopefully the credit check comes through without a massive raping. It's been maybe 6 or 7 years since I've lived on my own... before that I lived in a studio in Sunnyvale for 2.5 years, the longest I've ever lived without in-between moves. (if we counted on-again-off-again, Casa del Pecado wins).

It's honestly a little frightening. Maybe even a lot frightening. It's more money than I've ever paid for somewhere, ever.... but I have a lot of plans in place to manage certain expenses (ex., selling the car)... but still... Living here has always provided a certain amount of security. I've never really needed it (paying rent is always priority #1), but somewhere inside I've always known that if I ever got into dire straights, Craig wouldn't throw me out... I'd get a lot of verbal whipping probably, but hey... he does that anyway. There was always this idea that if my world truly came crashing down around me, I'd still manage to be safe.  Even with other roommates, there was always that feeling.

It's amazing to me how comfortable I was living on my own... and yet now I realize how much I've come to rely on the feeling that comes with always having people around... to talk to... to take care of... to keep you in check... to soften the blows of life as they come.

Inside I know I'll be fine... that I can more than stand on my own two feet... but there's something about not having those other 3 pairs of feet that makes everything else feel like quicksand.
Tags: moving
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