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Bear Escapes from Chris Mullendore By CHRIS MULLENDORE – 1…


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Bear Escapes from Chris Mullendore

SACRAMENTO (AP) — After years of restraint, it now appears that Chris Mullendore's inner bear is slowly escaping, risking unknown yet potentially significant damage to twink oriented views of Chris and potentially catastrophic environmental damage to the twink community at large.

"It's been wanting to get out for years" says Chris Mullendore, likely future bear, "but I've managed to keep things under control pretty well with mascaping... but when you travel so much there's really only so much you can do."

Bear exposure can be recognized in various forms, frequently identified by a significant lack of visible abdominal muscles, exposed facial and/or other body hair, and occasionally a lack of sexual prowess. Bear exposure is usually free from negative impact, though incidence of momentary blinding, disgust, and rare but serious delusion that the bear is actually attractive have been reported.

Bears themselves don't usually see themselves as a harm to the environment or society, though opinions are mixed.

"Bears are people too... and you're all bears inside anyway once you put away the wahl trimmers and hair product." said an unnamed source. "Just because you can pluck it or shave it doesn't mean it isn't there, and someday you're going to get tired of it too."

Authorities have noticed a rise in recent bear escapes, most recently seen making a brief appears in facial hair exposure in redarius, though exposure was limited in this case.

Authorities suggest carefully moderating your exposure to bears in order to reduce the likelihood of contamination and/or demonstration of bear behaviors.

Current Location: Sacramento, CA
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Date:November 14th, 2008 05:00 pm (UTC)
This right here is gold. Thank you for making me laugh at work -- it was much needed.

Hope all is well, friend.
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Date:November 14th, 2008 11:11 pm (UTC)
Me (back during my backpacking days): So, if you ever are attacked by a bear, you're supposed to just play dead. The bear may paw at you for a bit, but it will hopefully lose interest and wander away.

Friend: You know, that happened to me just the other day at the Cafe! I was attacked by this bear, but I played dead, and just like you said, it pawed and sniffed at me a little bit, but it went away eventually!

Me: *choke*
Date:November 18th, 2008 06:03 am (UTC)

Grumpy Bear?

Hard to think of you as a bear, Chris, but perhaps the grumpy variety.
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