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All better - The highs and lows of KuteLuvr

About All better

Previous Entry All better Feb. 11th, 2004 @ 10:44 am Next Entry
Well... we talked briefly last night... and everything's all better. In fact, I could even safely say it's better than before... because he told me last night what I needed to hear... and made me feel good. He showed me that A) he's willing to take my call even if he's not in the mood sometimes (he commonly ignores his phone, but I'm not dating his voicemail), B) he's willing to say the things I need to hear, C) he was going to call me anyway, just to say hello (very important to me). I also told him that, while I didn't want to bring on a heavy conversation now, that I was sorry for making his decisions for him, and that I realized that it was wrong, and I'm going to try not to do it anymore... but that it means I'm going to talk to him more... and told him about my new "3CT" philosophy (Communicate, Compromise, Collaborate, Trust). In the end, I think we both got off the phone feeling like we'd worked something out... that the resolution just might have been worth enduring the drama.

In other news, I went out to dinner with a new/old friend (we've known each other for quite a while, but haven't actually attempted to build a true friendship until now)... and that went very, very well... he's a good guy, me thinks. :) He also helped me realize that half of these relationship issues/insecurities just might come from a sense of loss of control. With almost everyone else I've ever dated, I've been "in control"... I've been older, or wiser, or smarter, or more stable, or more mature, or richer, or SOMETHING that gave me control of things. This time, I don't really have that... things are pretty much on an equal basis... and that maybe, in absence of some sense of control of the situation, my insecurities at that lack of control take over, and I need some serious reassurances.

One thing I know is that after a while, I'll feel more comfortable with things... and the trust will be built (trust is earned), and I won't need reminded or reassured all the time... hopefully we can make it until then. :)
Current Mood: okayokay
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