I love him... really do... but love ISN'T everything. There just some things that don't work between us... things that will (and have) drive me crazy.
Jason and I sat tonight and watched Sex and the City's final episode on DVD. He and I were gonna watch it together. I have images of us laying on his bed all day cuddled up, watching the entire last half of the season, sharing the emotional rollercoaster that the last episodes provide. Instead, I sat at home tonight watching the final two episodes with Jason, and at the tear-jerking end, when everything comes together and you feel the sense of completion and love and happiness, I exploded in loss (thank you for being there, Jason). I cried because like every person rolling in emotion, I could see similarities everywhere between austin and I, Carrie and Alexandr... people that love, but just don't fit. Alexandr's wife made a good comment... "Love is like Couture... if it doesn't fit perfectly, it's a disaster." Austin and I love... but we don't fit perfectly... and I'm too smart (or too stupid?) to consciously walk into disaster.
We still have some things to settle... the return of each other's things... probably some final discussion. We'll see if we can learn to be less than lovers.
It was absolutely worth trying for.