Yet another day of freaking out about Austin... and another day of me saying "I just can't take it". I hit my peak when I called Rebecca and ended up lying on my couch in a hysterical fit curled up in the fetal position with my hands between my legs, as tight of a little ball as I could muster and still keep hold of the phone, crying. crying and crying and crying. Rebecca kept saying "I wish I could be there... you need to get away... you need to do something... you need to just get away..."
So, done. I'm now in Houston, Texas. (after I calmed down... a good 30 minutes later) I asked Rebecca if I could say "fuck all!" and come visit her, and she said that'd be great. A call to work to cover my bases, a call to Jason to make sure I'm not crazy, a call to United for a Business class round-trip mileage award ticket, and by 12:10pm, I was in the cab on my way to the airport.
So yeah... I'm now in Houston... and though we have to see what tomorrow's like, my mind is a bit clearer. I'll be hanging out with Rebecca every day for the next week and a half (I've scheduled to be here through the 16th)... it's my own personal therapy. Unfortunately, I'd made plans to be with Elyssa this weekend... but I just couldn't make it that far. I needed to get out immediately. I needed to not let myself do stupid things like harass him. I don't want to be one of those people... and I was heading straight in that direction.
Fortunately, work has an office here... and I'll be going into the office almost every day. People are already trying to fill up my social calendar, but I'm only giving one night to the typical "business dinner". This whole thing is on my dime, and it's for my own good, so I'm going to take it. I will make sure the business isn't negatively impacted by my personal issues (arguably, they're benefiting, since everyone's wanted to make an appearance in the houston office anyway)... but I just needed to not be there... to do something different... and I am. It's a bit unusual for me to do something quite so drastic... but maybe that's a good thing. Rebecca gets one of her best friends to visit her for the first time... I get someone to babysit me every night and be 100% there... and work gets me at the houston office and loses no productivity. I'd call this an everyone wins scenario.
And on that note, business class ROCKS. I'm not traveling coach EVER again :P
A lot of people have been very supportive... I really appreciate it... I truly do. Thank you so much... it's been very helpful... and the times that I get to spend with you guys helps distract me from the things I think about so much. I think I just need the ultimate distraction for the moment. :)