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Old Man Dick. - The highs and lows of KuteLuvr

About Old Man Dick.

Previous Entry Old Man Dick. Nov. 17th, 2005 @ 10:55 am Next Entry
Why is it that OLD guys at the gym feel the need to walk around completely naked in the gym locker room?

I'm not talking that 35yo-well-kept-fit-hot-cum-fuck-me kinda old (salacious_pop ;)). I'm talking that 50+++-sagging-ass-wrinkled-skin-we're-all-fighting-it-made-Samantha-run-with-food-poisoning kinda old. I mean, they get completely naked, putting their bare ass on the benches, throw their towel over their shoulder, and walk all parkinsons-style to the gym (sorry, as offensive as it is, no offense intended to the parkinsons community). OVER THEIR SHOULDER?! ...and then, of course, coming back, it's around their shoulder again. I can think of at least 3 other positions for that towel that would make me, and probably a significant portion of the str8bois in the locker room MUCH happier.

We already know we're all getting older. I'm happy for you, that you don't care... that you've embraced it. Good for you. However, half the reason I'm here is to do my best to AVOID that look... I don't need reminders.

I'm not saying you should leave... I'm not saying I deserve to be here more than you... I'm not trying to be exclusive or elitist or holier-than-thou. In fact, I promise to ALWAYS put my towel around my waist. Promise.

FWIW... for equality's sake, this does imply that the uber-hotness guys should do the same, and that may not jive with all... but my opinion is one in a sea of many, so I'm willing to take that. Personally, when I'm at the gym I'm not looking to stare anyway, so it's no major loss to not see the hot boy I can't have's wang if it means I don't have to see the other 95%.
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From:studlycaps
Date:November 17th, 2005 07:22 pm (UTC)
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I know exactly what you're talking about... that is why I usually do my cardio at home and, hence, use my own shower. The only old-man-wang I see on a daily basis is my own.
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From:salacious_pop
Date:November 17th, 2005 07:30 pm (UTC)
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OMG! You win at the internets today for this post. SOMA Golds has a high enough hot fag % that some of the 20 yos get buck nekkid too.. it's just a matter of odds. The fat super old guys still out number them though. I've definitely become more confident as I get older.. maybe that just continues into the golden years :) We need to get the 70s to switch their brashness with the skaterttwinks modesty :P

This reminds me of a locker room phenomenon that I've named "the mountain goat syndrome". This is when some old dude stands with one knee up on the bench and reads the newspaper or watches the overhead TV. Gravity and age does unpleasant things to ones genitalia... while you don't always see the horror hanging from underneath... WHAT THE FUCK? PUT YOUR LEG DOWN AND PUT A TOWEL ON, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????

The guys who sit bare assed on the bench also ick me out, as do the ones who go into a bathroom stall totally naked and take a shit. If people want to take their towel off at the urinal so they an pee, I don't care (it means they areant doing it in the shower room), but shitting while naked? No.

There are some exhibitionists with either amazing bodies or gigantic wangs (and horrible everything else) who do the towel-over-the-shoulder thing when walking to the shower room.. you learn to tune it out. I am so focused on getting my workout in and getting the hell out of there that I don't really notice when everyone else is doing... unless they are very very very hot and stand there naked, then sure that's what the wall mirrors are for :P
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From:kuteluvr
Date:November 17th, 2005 07:36 pm (UTC)
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Wanna know something funny? I totally had you in mind when I wrote this... not necessarily because of the content... but I was aiming at a salacious_pop-level of comedy and sarcasm... your approval is appreciated... you consistently have some of the most enjoyable posts I read. :)
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From:salacious_pop
Date:November 17th, 2005 07:53 pm (UTC)
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Yay OMG

*throws naked fat guys in towels and gold chains at you*


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From:redarius
Date:November 17th, 2005 07:47 pm (UTC)
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You apologized to the parkinsons community? LOL

As for the rest... completely agree. It's not modesty, it's politeness. As whorish as I am I am very uncruisy at the gym because I think it's unforgivably rude. I'd rather focus on why I'm there. The gym is probably the only time that I'm oblivious to people that may be flirting with me. I overfocus and shut out whatever is going on around me, mostly because of lingering body confidence issues -- just BEING at the gym pushes old triggers in my head about poor body image and being unathletic.
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From:salacious_pop
Date:November 17th, 2005 08:00 pm (UTC)
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"I overfocus and shut out whatever is going on around me".

That is totally me - I've had staff members there ask me if I needed anything or if I could come over and get my pic taken for their new barcode keychain system, and it totally didnt register. Completely deaf.

Any elevator eyes or hottie watcing I do at the gym happens when waiting for a guy to get off a machine I really want to use, or maybe when I'm on misc.cardio.tedium machine. The locker room is usually so crowded that its only a matter of time before I have some dripping wet bitch tapping her foot at me to give them access to whatever it is I'm blocking.
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From:spawrhawk
Date:November 17th, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)
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This made my day. Thank you for making me laugh out loud at work.
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From:huckie
Date:November 17th, 2005 08:26 pm (UTC)
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I move to post your rant in the locker room of the Castro Gold's. It so needs it. Though I suppose it motivated me to get changed and get the hell out of there quickly. hehe
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From:davidology
Date:November 17th, 2005 11:14 pm (UTC)
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oh god. this is why i clean up and change at home.

it's awful. and you can't help but look, and i certainly wouldn't touch anything!
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From:dailybinx
Date:November 18th, 2005 01:12 am (UTC)
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That was the best thing about working out at the university gym back in MI. The hot boys outweighed the OMD 5 to 1.
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From:dwo
Date:November 18th, 2005 09:15 am (UTC)
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i promise, no matter how old i get, i will never walk around a gym with only a towel over my shoulder. :p

thanks for the laugh.
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From:compositeur
Date:December 2nd, 2005 08:34 pm (UTC)
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At Gold's Midtown NYC we have a very good %age of hawties, a fair number of whom have no qualms about casually showing off. However, there's also a distinctly hard-to-ignore minority of people showing off stuff they definitely shouldn't be. :( The steam room has very occasionally gotten interesting, but usually is NOT! (The one dude who reeeally should be showing off is the laundry boi and he's always covered up, dammit.) So I just try to concentrate on my workout.
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