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Hookup Pickiness


Previous Entry Hookup Pickiness Feb. 27th, 2006 @ 11:11 am Next Entry
Lately I've been playing around on several hookup sites, in no small part driven by the fact that my confidence has gone up exponentially through major gym-time (though studlycaps does leave me completely in the dust). It's led me to learn a lot of things about myself... including some frustrating stuff.

For example, I've learned that I can't just fuck anyone. They have to be attractive to me. VERY attractive. Not just "oh, you'll do" kind of attractive... I have to actually WANT them... to practically crave the idea of doing naughty, yummy things to them. On hookup sites, those are few and far between. The closer someone is to my age, the more I like it... but it seems like SO many guys seem to think they've still got the vestiges of their waning twinkiness and ignore that spare tire building up around their waist. Ick.

Second, I have to feel some kind of connection with them. It's hard to quantify this one... it could be that I like the things that they say... it could be that I think their perceived innocence is cute... it could be that they seem adventurous... or safe... or fun... or honest... but there has to be SOMETHING. It could be a certain amount of playfullness, or even just straight simple lust... but I have to feel something.

Third, I don't want to know them already. I mean, if we meet through other friends, that's GREAT (but we're talking hookup sites here :P), but in general, I don't have sex with friends (though there have been exceptions). I'd rather not sacrifice a friendship for the weirdness that can come from mixing in sex. "Where is this going", and "What are we" are not questions I feel like answering, nor losing a friend to the most likely "Nothing", "Nowhere" answer. :P

Fourth, I'm definately not in a place where I want to find my next boyfriend. I'm actually really enjoying "Me for Me"... it's like I'm rapidly returning back to the super-happy place I was 2 years ago... a time that I've never stopped looking back at longingly. So, the balance between the completely connectionless hookup and the person that wants to marry me after 1 date is also difficult to find. If I eventually find myself wanting to be with just that person, fan-fucking-tastic... but that's a place I'll suddenly find myself in, not a place I'm specifically looking for, and certain not a place I'm going to accept being boxed into.

...and last (and this is the most limiting, perhaps), I have to feel like they're not going to try to make me their little bottom-boi. I can't say this more clearly enough: I am a top.Don't get me wrong... my wang is eternally grateful for all of the bottom's out there... I couldn't have made it this far without them... and I've flexed up a bit, and have bottomed for a VERY exclusive set of people that I've had more than a passing interest in... but I am, first and foremost, a top. Sure, if I get really comfortable with someone, I don't mind going there... and have found some serious pleasure... but that isn't going to happen for quite some time, esp with someone from a hookup site.

So... I want a cute, intelligent, non-needy bottom who's company I can casually enjoy. Applications being accepted immediately. References required. :P
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Date:February 28th, 2006 12:51 am (UTC)
I've personally had really bad luck with the hookup sites. The one notable exception is, at this point, tenuous at best. Myspace has yielded me some hot prospects in the past, though, if you can tolerate (or block) the annoying music and movies that come up with everyone's profiles. I'm pretty picky at this point, too... same boat as you.
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Date:February 28th, 2006 04:26 am (UTC)
You know, its funny - when I was single, I wanted to find someone who fit your last (and perhaps most limiting) prospect as well, and I didn't find as many as I had hoped until I was in a relationship and realized how many gay boys really are bottoms... I simply differ from you in the fact that I love to bottom when I'm in a relationship, but almost NEVER do/did when in a random situation or a hook-up.
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Date:February 28th, 2006 04:47 am (UTC)
Totally agree. In a relationship (I would hope) my boyfriend knows how to work me in such a way that I actually WANT it... and the ones that I've truly enjoyed it with knew exactly what to do. My interest in it is also reflective of the satisfaction I get from my relationship... if things are going super well, I'm emotionally satisfied, and feel comfortable, yeah... I'll be his bitch anyday.

...but that ain't gonna happen in a hookup. :P
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