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Previous Entry A good talking to... Jun. 12th, 2006 @ 09:39 am Next Entry
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From:versacedave
Date:June 12th, 2006 06:18 pm (UTC)
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i don't "trick" around and always go home with my husband (so maybe i don't know what i am talking about because my roommate expects said behavior), but i am personally of the opinion that it is none of your roommates business who you trick with or how often you do it. sure, as friends they should express concern for your behavior if they feel there is cause for concern (what kind of friends would they be if they didn't?), but after they express their concern they need to back off. as far as i would be concerned (if it were me in your position), the only issue to deal with is how to make all parties feel comfortable AND free to do what they want in their own space (i.e., you being able to trick with whomever you want as often as you want and for them not to have to see it). i have thoughts, but that is really something for you to work out with your roommates ... perhaps you might have to let your tricks know is advance that they may have to make a surreptitious exit because of a deal you have worked out with your roommates?

best of luck! roommates can be "tricky" to deal with ... ::groan:: ... and i hope you get past whatever is ailing you.
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From:dwo
Date:June 12th, 2006 06:40 pm (UTC)
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i agree. as long as you're taking care of business in the privacy of your own room, then i don't see why it should be a problem. unless of course they're just jealous because they're not getting any play. :p
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From:kuteluvr
Date:June 12th, 2006 06:52 pm (UTC)
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See comment to above comment :)
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From:kuteluvr
Date:June 12th, 2006 06:52 pm (UTC)
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I agree with both of these perspectives myself, but it's not exactly that simple. See... I mentioned that I'm not "that much of a slut"... granted... maybe I'm weird, but I'm not the type of person that can just say "lets fuck" and trek someone that I don't even really know directly from the front door to my bedroom. There's gotta be something to get the juices flowing... to make me interested... time for things to percolate. This means that things might start with a movie, or hanging out in the hottub... or something else that allows conversation. (One of my proviles even directly says "conversation is foreplay, if that's not good, nothing else is going to happen").

This implies spending some amount of time in the common areas. Does this change your perspective at all?
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From:dwo
Date:June 12th, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC)
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in my opinion, common areas are for entertaining. you pay your portion of the rent and are entitled to utilize them. on the other hand, if you're getting naked in those common areas....then yeah, i can see a potential problem. but i guess when it comes down to it, when living in such a situation, there are boundaries that have to be respected, but those boundaries need to be set and should have been set from the beginning.
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From:kuteluvr
Date:June 12th, 2006 11:02 pm (UTC)
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I won't lie... the minor phase of the making out does tend to start in the family room... but quickly moves to my bedroom when it becomes an over-the-top kind of thing. For the most part, I do try to be as respectful of the fact that's other people's house too as I can be.
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From:dwo
Date:June 13th, 2006 02:54 am (UTC)
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well then, my only suggestion would be, when you feel that urge coming on, move to the bedroom more quickly. ;)
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From:kuteluvr
Date:June 12th, 2006 11:03 pm (UTC)
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This was actually a point the second roommate brought up. He said that the context for the people mattered to him... in that since it's obvious these people are here just for sex, he doesn't know how to address them, or even if he should at all. I told him he should just ignore them and not worry about it, but he said that makes him uncomfortable. I classified that as a "him" issue (and told him so), but I can still sympathize. He said friends are different because he knows that friends are just that... friends... and can be addressed as such.
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From:versacedave
Date:June 12th, 2006 07:13 pm (UTC)
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i suppose a conversation elsewhere (a quiet bar, for instance) is too far removed from the bedroom? things cool down too quickly sometimes in the ride home ... but at least then you know you're interested, right? perhaps you need to invest in a TV for your room where you can watch the movie of your choice from the comfort and privacy of your own bed. this has the benefit of being out of sight for your roommates and it gives your juices a chance to get flowing again.
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From:kuteluvr
Date:June 12th, 2006 11:07 pm (UTC)
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There really aren't any bars near the house... and I do generally dislike going to their house (some weird hangup I've built up in recent years about being in an unfamiliar surrounding). Overall, a lot of chit-chat happens, and then there's the context of just "hanging out" together that allows us to be comfortable, and then things happen. Like I said... I have to actually LIKE them in some way... it's casual, but not as casual as one might associate with true "tricking"... and that time just spent hanging out together is actually really nice. :)
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